Monday, March 10, 2008

Pre Approved Credit Cards - Yea!

If you are sick of getting pre-approved credit card offers, and other crap from Predatory Lenders then might I suggest a subtle way of getting even with them. I wrote this letter when I received 3 letters from Bank of America on the same day. One of them was to tell me that despite the fact that they rejected my credit application {that I never sent in} they had a program for people with bad credit like me. It was a Bank of America debit card that I pay a 150$ a year maintenance fee on. I was finally pissed off to the point of needing to be diabolical, as Bank of America will give credit cards to illegal immigrants despite the fact that THAT is a crime.

I devised this letter and place it in any “Pre Paid” envelope from an unwanted credit trawler that sends me anything containing a “Pre Paid” envelope. It not only puts a smile on my face, but you need to think of it as your Patriotic duty to stimulate the coffers of the United States Postal Service, and keep the costs down. It’s all about VOLUME my friends and I hope that any of you that would like to participate in this program to “GET THEM” back. Feel free to change the name, or leave the name.

Dear “Insert Name of Predatory Lending Company Here”

I am not actively enrolling in one of your schemes to separate me from my money, but wanted to send you this letter of Thank You, for determining that I am exactly the type of idiot that you look for. I am sure that Experian, Trans Union, or Equifax have earned their money that they had gotten from you to get my name out of its database as a certified moron. Heaven forbid that your wonderful company should realize that they have most of their databases totally incorrect, but who cares anyway?

In regards to your offer to separate me from my money, I have taken the time to deliberate the appropriate measures, to such a charming offer of an amazingly low credit rate, horribly high interest rates, and oppressive late fees and have developed this approach. I write a boring and condescending letter {that I realize hardly anyone will actually read}, use my 9.99$ a cartridge Kodak Printer to create the letter {at about 1 cent per dozen}, and use the paper that I stole from work anyway, to send you this reply. I of course am using the “postage paid” envelope that you have supplied to make sure that it costs your company money, and since I am sure your company will send me hundreds of these a year, it WILL add up sooner or later.

To further encourage the decline of your company profits I have also posted this letter to my blog {it’s unimportant really, but some really Predatory Lending Company friendly people will be reading it} and encourage any of the wonderful people that read it to copy this letter and send it along whenever they receive a generous offer to have their money stolen from them. It is after all the least I can do, as I know like yourselves, they probably don’t have time to come up with ideas to get even thank you properly for all that you do! Perhaps, in time, you all will be sitting on this end of a computer screen {if we all work hard enough on this end now anyway} and will need that little boost to get your own animosity towards people like ME out there in a more constructive way. Remember me.

Signed, your doting admirer, Jeremy Crow