Friday, November 18, 2016

Horoscope, if you were born today.

Today's Horoscope, brought to you by Dr, 👀

If you were born today you might as well stop and get a couple of donuts, a sausage sandwich and a creamy, delicious mochaccino with extra whipped cream, it is not going to be a very good day. It will start out smoothly enough, but about halfway to work the car audio system will start to get a little fuzzy. Soon the audio book on the power of positive thinking that you have been listening to in an effort to improve your puny, meaningless life will stop altogether.

Replacing the mantra "I am a success, and I can achieve" will be a countdown, beginning at 15, and slowly working toward 0. As it gets closer to bottom a large black cloud with fiery tendrils will darken the bright, cheerful morning sky. Cars will careen into each other, and soon the freeway will look like a battlefield with burning, crushed wreckage from one side to the other. Due to your cautious, defensive driving you will make your way through the flaming hulks, and the screaming frightened people littering the road.

Only to find the building where you work laying in a smashed, shattered heap of twisted metal and broken glass. Your phone will ring, and when you answer it your boss will tell you to take the day off, with pay. And you will thing "dangit, I could have slept in!" Your drive home takes two and a half hours. Life is so unfair.

Your lucky number is 73 and your lucky letter is Q. It is not a good day to invest your time in foolish pursuits, like that ever stopped you.